Extreme Wedding Planning... How NOT To Please Everyone!

As any bride-to be will tell you; there is no such thing as smooth sailing when it comes to planning your own wedding. The mere thought of trying to satiate and impress both sides of immediate family, as well as extended family, close friends, work friends, old friends, new friends... well, it's enough to prompt a cold sweat before a seating plan even appears on the scene. Now consider tackling this organizational ordeal from almost half the world away and without a fiance or bridesmaid in sight.

This was exactly the challenge that faced me in the Spring & Summer of 2011. Freshly engaged and beyond eager to start realizing the biggest day of my life, I was confronted with a hurdle I had never before contemplated. How do you get all these people, in all their varieties, to the same venue, on the same day, when for at least half of them that venue would be 4,000 miles  and several thousand $$$ away? My fiance and I were baffled. As we added up costs (and then quickly subtracted them again!), it became more and more obvious that something would have to give, and it was either going to be our dreams, finances and psychological stability or Aunty June's invitation. Now I am blessed with the most understanding, level headed Mother Of The Bride that I could ask for. As she watched my fiance and I Skype and type with desperate ideas of cut backs and financial shortcuts, she spoke out with great compassion. Just 4 simple words that would set us free: "Why don't you elope?"

Genius. And surely the fact that it came from the Mother Of The Bride, the second most important woman in this whole fiasco, gave us license to go ahead and run with it! So there was our answer, so simple I can't believe we didn't think of it ourselves. We began the search for the perfect secluded location for just the two of us, away from prying eyes and tradition. All we needed was some natural beauty, a Minister, God and each other; we finally settled on Driftwood Beach off of Jekyll Island, Georgia. We found a wonderful wedding planner, Carla Pryor (links below), who worked with endless patience despite my constant absence all the way back in the UK and made every detail manageable and magical. On a bright and sunny Saturday morning in September we dressed up to the nines, walked down to Driftwood Beach in our sandals and exchanged vows. The only thing we really spent a substantial amount of money on was our photographer Chris Moncus and he was worth every penny for the moments and memories he captured that day. Later, around midday, we changed out of our wedding outfits in the waterfront restrooms, climbed into our Ford Fiesta and drove down to Florida with the windows rolled down, the sun streaming in and our favorite songs ringing on our ears.

Many people ask us if we regret not having our families present and the truth is I will always wish that our nearest and dearest were standing there beside us on the most important day of our lives. Thanks to technology though we were able to have our families (including mine all the way back home in England) tune in and rev up with excitement as we woke up, got dressed and shared toasts for the big day ahead. The buzz was unforgettable and no one was left out of the circus of our wedding day routine. In fact, I am fairly sure that my families own 'American Themed Party' suited them down to the ground, back on the other side of the pond! My wonderful mother, grandmother, aunts and cousins helped me pick out and finalize my dress choice, whilst my closest, dearest friends celebrated my last few weeks as a single lady in style. The gang was all there.

Quickly we learnt that it's impossible to please everyone and nowadays it is so easy to get wrapped up in the pomp and circumstance of a wedding day, that personal finances and stress levels bear the impact. Our choices were not traditional by any means but we still have the very traditional memories of our loved ones all around us, celebrating with us and supporting us all along the way... We just broke the mold a bit is all.

http://www.stsimonselopements.com/

http://www.chrismoncusphoto.com/

http://www.villasbythesearesort.com/

Passing The Torch... Support For Visa Explorers

As I mentioned several posts ago, our journey through the rough and wild land of visa applications and immigrant status was testing at the best of times. Upon reflection I think that the hardest part, aside from the necessity for me to return to the UK minus my new fiance, was gathering information that was actually CORRECT.

Please trust me when I say that there is a world of speculation and faulty illumination out there that can have you running in circles indefinitely. This I know from first hand experience; trying to navigate and tame the process of applying for a Fiance K1 Visa into the USA. As a primary resource the USCIS website (links at the bottom of this post) has plenty of useful overviews and links to official forms (always handy!). In terms of the very human experience however, of collecting 'evidence of relationship', establishing a format of submission and adding in all the extra bits and pieces that make up the elusive application package, I dare say it falls short.

Informal resources such as VisaJourney.com go a long long way towards clarifying the hundreds of tiny, yet imperative details of these Fiance K1 Visa applications. Providing up to date and monitored insight into couples' processes, experienced and written from every corner of the globe, VJ allowed my husband and I to find our confidence during this complicated, ever changing process. Through VJ we were able to oversee the timeline's of other petitioners from the UK and Europe, follow their experiential advice and be often comforted by their personal stories. When my dreaded Medical Exam and Immigration interview were finally scheduled, I was able to alleviate my (very real) worries by reading hundreds of first hand accounts, all of which had taken place within the same US Embassy I was attending. I knew before even arriving at the building where the restrooms were, how much I needed for snacks and what kind of questions the Tuesday morning officers favored.  Frankly, it was a Godsend.

Later on, I will post in more detail about the general tricks of the trade I have learnt while applying, and as far as I can tell throughout the VJ community, there count for anything you happen to be applying for through the USCIS. These little observations are claimed by many to go a long way towards tackling the system requirements effectively and hopefully avoiding the heart wrenching and sadly not uncommon loss of files within the vast entity. These tips are as simple as adding a well versed cover letter here, labeling a photo effectively there, keeping constant records of seemingly trivial things and above all, knowing what to expect at each and every stage. At the first sign of trouble you can be ready to get to the bottom of things and not waste vital months in the vast no-mans land of Visa applications.

http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis

http://www.visajourney.com/

Campfire Stories... Weathering the Storms

Here's the thing. It is an unavoidable cliche that every time it rains here in the States, someone, strangers and friends alike, will turn to me with confident assumption and throw this rhetorical gem at me; 'I bet you feel right at home with this English weather?" Take note, citizens of America, British rain is nothing but a persistent, dismal dribble. Mildly irritating at the best of times, depressing at the worst. These fervent Tennessee downfalls are often total wash outs; weather that invokes a sincere use of the phrase 'batten down the hatches' in everyday conversation.

The first time I came in close contact with a real American storm, I was a timid 2 days into camp counselor training in Ohio, my very first summer job overseas. As the sky began to pale and alter into a shade of purple I had not before seen and not since witnessed, my intuition kicked in. Hovering in a large group around an outdoor stove, learning how to cook' pudgey pies' and 'dough boys' seemed slightly less urgent once the tornado sirens began to blare. Quiet at first, their outcries were almost impossible to comprehend but once attention had been drawn, believe me, they seemed to grow in volume. Hauled with more speed and much less haste through the camp grounds underneath a briskly darkening backdrop, everyone on site was rounded up, sprinting to the only tornado shelter on site. Once inside the shelter, trust me, there was little comfort. Especially when the electricity supply died 4 minutes later. The sounds of the wind and the impact of random flailing objects outside the walls were without a doubt alarming, and yes, somewhere in the darkness of that shelter I did make a promise to myself that should I survive, the next flight home to dreary, drizzling England, indeed had my name on it.

An hour and a half and many shattered nerves later, the entire staff including myself, emerged from the shelter blinking into the remarkably peaceful and well lit day that the storm had left behind for us. Many trees were down across the camp grounds as well as other, hardly missed objects having found new, rather unconventional homes. Not much later on, the staff would sadly learn that the same storm had carried itself through to the neighbouring state of Indiana, claiming the lives of 4 boy scouts who did not have time to make it to their own shelters. It was certainly quite the introduction to the potential for destruction that American storms have.

I did not end up fleeing on the first flight home and truth be told I now actually rather enjoy the threat of the clouds rolling in and the sky becoming eerily electrified with rogue energy. But when the really big ones hit, with all the force they can muster... I would be lying if I said I didn't miss the safe monotony of a little English drizzle, however depressing it might be.

Rules of Engagement... The US Immigration System

On Thanksgiving evening 2010, my now husband dropped to one knee under the glow of frosted, vintage blue lights and asked me to marry him. With a familiar romantic song drifting through the air beside us I, of course, said yes without hesitation.

Once the dust had settled and I had stared for a sufficiently lengthy period of time at my new ring, the research began. Dreaming of how to tell my family and closest friends about this most amazing thing that was finally happening to me, I had not imagined I would have to choose between waiting for 2 months to tell them in person or scheduling an 'emergency' Skype session. As it happens I choose to keep the life changing events to myself, in order to share it with those closest to me the way I always hoped I could, in person. You see what made our engagement and indeed in many ways our wedding day, so prone to compromise, is that I am a British citizen and my then husband-to-be, an American. As far as love stories go, I reside quite happily within the eternally romantic 'worlds apart' cliche that we seemed to be weaving into our own tale. Sadly, there is not a lot of room for romance once you are both drowning in endless USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services) forms, packets, referrals for evidence, costly checks and of course, the dreaded immigrant interviews.

I will admit this; we were absolutely clueless and adorably naive when we began our journey to bring me permanently to the States. Our first day attempting to gather information and resources about where to begin and how long this whole dance should last, we were heartbroken. Time frames closer to 1, 2 even 3 years came dashing towards us and we wondered if we were even capable of the level of understanding necessary to make this happen. But perseverance counts for a lot, as does the commitment we were determined to make, to spend our lives together, any way we could. Using several different sites we slowly began to piece together what we needed to know, what we needed to spend and what we needed to prepare for mentally.

First decision to be made; where and when will the wedding take place? Second; how do we afford it and how do we make sure our families, stretched out far across the world as they were, could all make it? Third; where do we live, do we choose his home in the USA or mine, namely the UK? And lastly, the big one, how do we begin to prepare ourselves for the inevitable months apart we must face, in order to start a solid life together, finally on common ground...?

Campfire Stories... How Summer Camp Changed My Life

Summer Camp. This American institution brings about with it images of campfires, s'mores, bugs, screaming kids, long days, longer nights and friendships built on sleep deprivation and intended to last a life time. For me, working 3 years as a summer camp counselor was all of these things and so so much more. As far as life changing experiences go, I would boldly claim that this has a pretty firm hand in the top 3 of my life. Flying around the world in order to team up with total strangers who share next to nothing outside of one simple and common goal; to give children a summer they could never forget.

Morphing into a united front of support and enthusiasm, sending kids up high walls, across ropes courses hanging 35 feet in the air, introducing them to their first horse/snake/tarantula, forcing the consumption of vegetables, if only because you wanted to sneak them an extra cookie afterwards... all these things equate to a successful summer camp role model. The summers I spent supporting courage, building confidence and encouraging character from these kids were rewarding beyond belief.

Thanks to the straight forward and highly accessible programs such as Camp America and BUNAC, it is now easier than ever to trade in your damp, unpredictable English summers for the heat, bugs and never ending junk food sources of North America. Financially these programs are very kind to the average student and with just a little preparation the adventure can begin. With these programs providing well monitored online forums, it is easier than ever before to become acquainted with others who share your camp destination (although if you ask me, being thrown into the social deep end is half the fun!). With their ongoing support and presence, not only while you apply and locate a host camp but also once you are stateside, they make for a well cushioned first experience, with just the right amount of challenge.

I would (and have) suggested these programs and the opportunities that they offer to anyone who longs for something out the ordinary and is willing to listen to me for at least 5 minutes! I look forward to sharing more of the memories and tales I acquired during my summers in Ohio in this blog. Oh and word to the wise Englishman - never forget the bug spray, we taste the best...

American Girl At Heart...?

As far back as I can remember I have felt an affinity with the United States. That isn't to say that I have anything against my own country of origin, namely the UK, I simply have experienced more of a sense of opportunity and acceptance whilst visiting the US. Perhaps I have seen too many movies. Regardless, I have felt the calling of the American Dream and somehow my life took on the direction of the land of hope and glory.

Years ago when I was a mere 7 years old, my own father (of German descent) made a permanent leap of faith and relocated to the state of Tennessee with my stepmother (a native of TN). Since then, flying the 4,000 miles across the pond to visit them both, has been a constant source of intrigue and possibility. Growing up I found solace in the idea that there was an entire accessible world out there, simply waiting to be explored and understood. And so it went, I spent my early twenties simultaneously pursuing acceptance and graduation from a prestigious drama school in my very own London, and using my summers and winter holidays to visit and work in the States.

Thanks to several work exchange programs such as BUNAC and Camp America, my free time was dedicated to working and experiencing the similar, yet alien culture of super sized meals, uncompromisingly supportive camp counselors, midnight trips to the wonderful Walmart and last minute plane hopping across the East Coast.

Somewhere amid the adventures and the challenges so very far from my English home, I met my husband. And it all made sense. My life may have been on a dichotomous path up until that point but standing there, in the right place at the very right time, and meeting the man who was to be my life partner, the chaos proved calculated. I was home.